Journal: On kindness & clarity

Written on 7 December 2023

Over the weekend, my papa and I were talking about kindness and what it means to be kind. We agreed that giving is perhaps one of the easiest and most overrated forms of kindness. Some people even give mindlessly or to assert power over or to get rid of responsibilities over someone. You give, you check the box on your list, and you can say kindness is done. Easy. Done and dusted.

But the highest and most underrated form of kindness is, in fact, clarity. Being clear. Being clear is being kind. Being unclear is being unkind. Making people play guessing games about how we feel and what we want or need will exhaust people emotionally and that's simply unkind — especially when we know they will wonder.

Yet, people do it anyway, for four reasons.

1. They're scared of how they feel.

2. They're scared of the outcome when they express how they feel.

3. They can't be honest with themselves about how they truly feel.

4. Because thinking/exploring how we feel takes effort and they don't think it's worthwhile. But by doing so, this person is being unfair to themselves and the other person. Why do we want to exhaust someone else for an issue we cannot resolve within?

In this sense, when we choose to be clear or honest — we show vulnerability to the other person without any guarantee that the other person will do the same. We give up t the possibility that we may be hurt for our kind act. But maybe an act of kindness is exactly about that? Deciding to be kind even when or if it could hurt? Because without risk at all, it cannot be kindness at all. It'll be a profitable, calculated act for our own gain, won't it?